The first sentence is the hard part
A new face appears on your screen. You have about ten seconds before one of you skips. You say "hi", they say "hi", and then there is a silence long enough to hear the fridge hum. You have just met the problem this article is about.
Learning how to start a conversation with a stranger online is mostly learning how to say the second sentence. The first one, "hi", is fine. It is the next thing that decides whether you are talking or staring.
Below are twelve openers, split into video and text, with an honest note about how each one tends to go. Use the ones that sound like you. Skip the ones that do not.
Why "hi" is a dead end
"Hi" asks for nothing. The other person can say "hi" back and has done their job. The conversation now needs somebody to invent something, and both of you are waiting for it to be the other one.
A good opener hands the other person something to hold. A question with a story in it, a small observation about what you can see, or a bit of your own situation. It lowers the cost of replying from "invent a topic" to "answer a question".
If you want to see how this plays out on a live call, video chat with strangers explains what a first call looks like from the inside.
Six openers for a video chat
On video you have a lot to work with: a face, a room, a voice. Use it.
- "Where are you tuning in from?" Works almost every time because people like talking about where they are. Follow up with "what is it like there right now?"
- "I like the lamp behind you. Is that a real plant?" A small observation about what you can see feels friendly, not nosy. Keep it to objects, not to the person.
- "Is it morning or night where you are?" Time zones are an easy conversation. It also gives you a feel for who you are talking to.
- "What are you drinking?" Silly and easy to answer. People hold up a mug. You get a laugh in the first minute.
- "I am trying to learn Spanish. Can I practise on you for five minutes?" Honest and specific. A lot of people say yes, and some are happy to correct you.
- "What is the strangest thing that happened to you today?" Higher risk, higher reward. It tends to either spark a story or a shrug, and both are information.
Six openers for a text chat
Text has no face to read, so your opener has to do more. It also gives you time to be a bit clever. If you want a lower-pressure start, text chat with strangers is a good place to try these.
- "Quick question: coffee or tea first thing?" A two-option question is almost impossible to ignore.
- "Would you rather live in a lighthouse or a treehouse?" Silly, which is the point. It tells you in one reply whether they want to play.
- "What is the best thing you ate this week?" Everybody has an answer, and food stories keep going.
- "I am awake because I cannot sleep. What is your excuse?" Honest, and a bit funny. Works best late at night.
- "What are you listening to right now?" Gets a name you can react to. Easy to follow with "is that new?"
- "Do you want to chat about something light or something random?" Lets them pick the tone. Some people really appreciate that.
What not to say
Some openers burn the call in a sentence. Avoid anything about the other person's body, anything that sounds like an interview ("age, location, job?"), and anything that asks for personal details too soon. Never ask for money, gift cards or another app's username. If you get any of those from the other side, skip and report.
The other no-go is the long self-introduction. Nobody wants a three-minute bio in a first call. Give one detail about yourself and a question back.
You can find the longer list of habits to avoid on our help and safety page.
When the conversation goes quiet
Silence in the middle is normal, and it does not mean the call failed. Most people panic at about four seconds. You can wait ten.
If you need a way out of a quiet patch, ask a follow-up about the last thing they said, not a brand-new topic. "You said you have a cat. What is its name?" is much better than "so, what do you do?". Or share a small thing: "I just realised I am eating cereal at 11 p.m."
If the call is still flat after a minute or two, skip. You are not obliged to carry a conversation that is not working, and you have a daily allowance of matches to spend. If you want to use some more, you can read about the ten free matches you get each day.
Knowing when to leave
Good conversations end well. "I have to go, but it was nice meeting you" is plenty. You do not need an excuse, and nobody needs one from you.
Bad conversations end fast. If someone is rude, pushes you for personal details or makes you uncomfortable, skip or leave and report them. That is what those buttons are for.
Frequently asked questions
How do you start a conversation with a stranger online?
Open with a question that has a story in it, like where they are tuning in from or what they are drinking, instead of just saying hi. It gives the other person something easy to answer.
What should I say first on a video chat?
Try "Where are you tuning in from?" It works on almost every call. Follow up with something about what the weather or time is like there.
What do I do when a conversation goes quiet?
Wait a few seconds, then ask a follow-up about something they said. If the call is still flat after a minute or two, skip to the next person.
How do I talk to strangers online without being awkward?
Keep it light, ask one question at a time and share one small thing about yourself. Matching their energy for the first minute helps a lot. See random video chat for how matching works.
Is it okay to skip someone?
Yes. Skipping is a normal part of how these sites work and nobody expects an explanation.